Chambre D Hote Troglodyte

Okay, okay, I'm just going to say it. Everyone's raving about chambres d'hôte troglodytes. You know, those cave hotels in France? And… I’m not totally convinced.

Don't get me wrong, the pictures are amazing. Seriously. They look like something out of a Tolkien novel, all smooth stone and hidden doorways. But then I start thinking… damp?

I know, I know, "modern insulation" and "state-of-the-art ventilation." But my grandma always said, "Stone is cold, mon chéri!" And grandma knew things.

Sleeping Like a Stone Age Celebrity?

Imagine it. You're on your romantic getaway. The kids are with your in-laws. You're finally alone! You walk into your cave room, expecting… I don't know, rustic chic? Instead, you get… a faint whiff of mildew. Mais non!

And the darkness! I need light! Sure, they have lamps. Probably Edison bulbs, very trendy. But give me a sunny window any day. I'm not a mole. Though, admittedly, moles don't pay €200 a night for subterranean accommodation.

Let's be honest, "atmospheric" lighting can quickly become "trying to read the menu with a flashlight" lighting. And suddenly, that carefully chosen bottle of Bordeaux doesn’t seem quite so appealing.

The Charm Offensive

I understand the allure. It's different! It's unique! It’s probably a conversation starter at your next cocktail party. "Oh, we just got back from France. We stayed in a CAVE!" Tres chic!

And the history! Think of all the people who might have lived in that cave before you! Probably… farmers. Definitely not Louis XIV. Although, maybe he did pop down for a quick game of hide-and-seek. Who knows?

Plus, imagine the bragging rights on Instagram. #TroglodyteLife #CaveDweller #France #VacationGoals. The likes will flood in! Even if you're secretly wearing three layers of thermal underwear.

But here’s my (perhaps) unpopular opinion: I like windows. I like natural light. And I really like knowing that a sudden rainstorm isn't going to leave me feeling like I’m in a damp sock.

I’m also a bit claustrophobic. The idea of being completely surrounded by rock… it makes me slightly anxious. I'd probably spend the entire time wondering how thick the stone is and whether it's structurally sound. Not exactly relaxing, is it?

Give me a charming little gîte with a view of the lavender fields any day. I’ll happily trade the novelty of a cave for a guaranteed sunshine-filled morning and a proper cup of coffee. And maybe, just maybe, a slightly less damp experience.

So, there you have it. My confession. I’m not 100% sold on the chambre d'hôte troglodyte experience. But hey, maybe I'm just missing out. Maybe I need to give it another try. (But I'm bringing a dehumidifier).

Don't hate me. Just promise me you'll pack an extra sweater. And maybe a headlamp.